BREAKING NEWS: Arrest Warrants Issued for Donkey Kong

NOWHERE NEW YORK (BFN) – At 10 a.m this morning a local judge has issued a fistful of warrants for the arrest of popular video game character Donkey Kong. The warrants stem from kidnapping allegations from Paula, then girlfriend of Mario Mario. Warrants were also issued for attempted murder and defacing private property. 

Local judge Harrison signed the warrants earlier this morning and local police will be sent to apprehend the suspect in question. The prosecutor working on this case told the media in a press conference in the front of the courthouse: “after 36 years of investigation, it is clear that the individual (Donkey Kong) was clearly responsible for the kidnapping of the victim (Paula) and also defaced a at the time building under construction as well as attempted to murder Mario. It is good to see that the evidence has finally shown through and we can move forward with prosecuting the suspect.” 

Earlier today local police closed in on Donkey Kong’s residence in Congo Jungle. Police Chief Sanders stated to reporters on the scene that: “at first he was very hesitant in surrendering and was ready to fight.” The police chief noted that indoors there were sounds of barrels breaking and a myriad of animal noises and what appeared to be the suspect in question mounting an ostrich. Police Chief Sanders stated that “it was a tense situation for a few moments. We were unaware if the suspect would lash out and decide to fight back. You never really know how they will respond in these types of situations.” Lucky for all involved the standoff ended peacefully with Donkey Kong surrendering. 

As it stands right now there has been no official response from the Kong family or it’s legal team and attempts by BFN to reach out and get a comment have not been returned. 

More on this story as it develops. 

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