Tag: Battlefront

Battlefront 2 Might Give You Chlamydia

New reports have surfaced indicating that not only does Battlefront 2 put a hurting on your finances, but apparently also on your genitals

Many of the players who picked up BattleFront 2 yesterday and have not stopped playing since, are reported to have been experiencing many of the symptoms normally associated with chlamydia, such as

  • pain or burning while peeing
  • abnormal vaginal discharge
  • pus or a watery/milky discharge from the penis
  • swollen or tender testicles
  • pain, discharge and/or bleeding around the anus

If you are experiencing these symptoms we highly recommend you stop taking to twitter to tweet your symptoms and go see your doctor.

EA To Change Initials To MT

BattleFront 2 publisher, Electronic Arts seems to be embracing the dark side as they have announced to change their logo to the initials MT.

The change comes just a day after the horrendous release of Star Wars: BattleFront 2. We reached out to EA for a word and only received a telegram that stated the following,

“You can not kill a Sith.”

The initials MT will stand for Micro-Transactions.

EA Linked To President John F. Kennedy Assassination

As if things could not get any worse for EA, the video game publisher has now been linked to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

Reports have surfaced from a new eye witness who was apparently in Texas during the morning of the shooting.

“I saw EA on the grassy knoll,” claims this eye witness. For the safety we can not release the identify of the eye witness by name, but he will mention that they are indeed blind.

Regardless, it seems like this is just the beginning of trouble for publisher Electronic Arts.

Battlefront Flops

Star Wars: Battlefront 2 has had some abysmal reviews, mostly due to its pay-to-play game strategy, on top of the $80 fee to buy the game.

We’ve rounded up some of the reviews from fellow gamers:

“Why would they make you pay to unlock Luke? That’s like paying to have bread on your sandwich.”

“So, I can either pay over one hundred dollars to complete the game ASAP, or delve 1,000 hours into a mediocre game. I’d rather see Trump naked.”

“Another shooter? Amazing.”

“I think I could have made a better put-together game when I was in college, after a 3 day bender, after I broke up with my girlfriend.”

“ET for the Atari was a better game.”

 

EA Promises Battlefront 4 Will Be Worth Your Money

It in a shocking turn of events BattleFront 2 is being met with severe backlash from fans and news outlets alike.

Much of the beef seems to stem from the “pay to play” method. However, a top EA executive has reached out to us in order to spread the word that EA will be attempting to make amends. He had the following to say,

“I know everyone is a little upset right now, but look we promise Battlefront 4 will be worth $60. On top of that I can assure you that we will consider a lower amount of micro transactions.”

Well there you have it folks, a sincere apology and promise for a better future from EA. Be on the look out for Battlefront 4!

No word on Battlefront 3 however.