Operation Warp Speed Grants 1.3 Billion In Research Funds To Stop Your Fucking Lag Noob

The Trump Administration is dedicating 1.3 Billion in federal money to finally put an end to a disease that has plagued gamers for years – lag.

Lag has accounted for numerous broken controllers, many lost matches, and of course too many deaths to keep track of.

The Trump Administration is hoping to have a cure by the end of the year.

Since you’re here …

…we’d like to take this time to thank you for visiting our little blog and encourage you to check out other articles we have here.  It would go along way if you sign up for our email list, like, comment, and/or follow us on our various social media platforms – links provided below. Thanks!

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

Breaking News: Gamer Angry About Something Or The Other

New York, NY (BFN) – Self proclaimed gamer, Diana Loumis was in a fit of rage today, ranting and raving to all who crossed her path.

“Diana is being a real asshole today”, stated Diana’s mother, Dyanna Loumis.

Her tirade spilled onto her Twitter page, random Twitch streams, and of course Tumblr. By the looks of it, her messages were being well received. Garnering numerous retweets from her 279 followers.

What was all this about? Well our team of interns experts are currently in the process of deciphering her incoherent babbling and so far we’ve only been able to identify a few key words. We have listed them below.

DLC

Lag

Titty Streamers

Phony Gamer

EA

PC Master Race

60 Frames Per Second

In order to get to the bottom of this we reached out to Diana, but unfortunately have yet to hear back.

 

 

 

 

 

3 Things You Need To Know About Call of Duty: WWII

If you’re still on the fence about picking up the latest iteration in the Call of Duty franchise, here are three things you need to know before purchasing WWII.

 

It Comes With Homework

Each copy of Call of Duty: WWII comes with a mandatory five page essay. The assignment requires you to outline the key events leading up to World War II. Essays are due within two weeks of purchase and must be sent to Activision headquarters in California. Postage is not included and late assessments will be marked down 10%.

 

It Will Give You Déjà Vu

Early reports from players show that a large number of players are experiencing déjà vu. Which of course is the phenomenon of having the feeling that the situation currently being experienced has already been experienced in the past.

 

Your Internet Connection Will Suffer

Another report coming from Call of Duty:WWII players suggest that the game is causing inexplicable lag. Multiple players, almost too many too count have stated, “the only reason I’m dying is because of lag”.