Trump Weighing the Pros and Cons of Blaming Coronavirus on Video Games

Washington D.C (BFN) –  Early reports from the White House indicate that President Trump is looking to blame the United States’ current coronavirus predictament on video games. 

The Trump Administation plans to blame violent video games for “teaching the virus everything it knows”. 

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Operation Warp Speed Grants 1.3 Billion In Research Funds To Stop Your Fucking Lag Noob

The Trump Administration is dedicating 1.3 Billion in federal money to finally put an end to a disease that has plagued gamers for years – lag.

Lag has accounted for numerous broken controllers, many lost matches, and of course too many deaths to keep track of.

The Trump Administration is hoping to have a cure by the end of the year.

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Umbrella Corporation Working Diligently On COVID-19 Vaccine

Raccoon City (BFN) – We have received word that the world renowned, Umbrella Corporation is working long and hard on securing a vaccine for COVID-19.

“Obviously we have the experience and resources to combat this strand of the coronavirus and we will do everything in our power to eradicate this virus”, said an Umbrella Corporation spokesperson too BottomFeederNews.

Seems like we can all rest easy knowing that Umbrella Corporation is on the job…