Elder Scrolls Skyrim

Skyrim: Companions Only Edition

Todd Howard, the renowned creator of everyone’s favorite bug has unveiled yet another re-release of The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim, which has been dubbed, Skyrim: Companions Only Edition. As the name suggests, this edition will only contain followers.

“The player will take a backseat in this edition,” says Todd, “The companions are going to play an enormous part, as in the only part available in the game. Skyrim 2 practically plays itself.”

With beloved characters such as Elizabeth from Bioshock, Dogmeat from the Fallout series and newcomer, Atreus from God of War, the popularity of video game companions has only been rising. Todd knew that he had to reinvent his brand or let it fade away into obscurity.

Players are ecstatic for the game especially since they won’t even need a controller. Just turn on your system and watch your companion clip through walls for three hours before the game crashes, and an essential NPC dies.

Bonus Mount Rushmore: Bobsled Team

With the Olympics upon us and everyone caught up in the thrilling finishes and heartbreak. It got us to thinking: what is the perfect bobsled team of the video game world?

This bonus Mount Rushmore will tackle that question and provide the perfect bobsled team that would capture gold (and our hearts).

Bob (Tekken): It’s in his name, it’s in his blood, it’s in his size. Bob would make the perfect anchor allowing for top speed and stability. Only question is: can he keep pace to get on the sled?

Dovahkiin (Skyrim): Every team needs a hero and we fill that quota here. Their ability to change race, gender and size gives this team an advantage with adaptibility and skill sets. Also the caveat; a well timed Fus Ro Dah can give a crucial boost to the sled.

Luigi (Super Mario Franchise): This team will need a veteran bobsleder and Luigi can provide insight and techniques to mastering the sled. He has been doing it since Mario Party 2 and will be a valuable asset to the team. There was much debate between him and his brother but we leaned on height and being a team player as the deciding factors to choose Luigi as our third sledder.

Connor (Assassin’s Creed 3): He’s silent and deadly, clam and careful. A man of the land and of his people. Captain of a ship and a revolution. A perfect candidate to steer our ship or better yet sled.

There you have it!

Let us know your own team!

Skyrim Stable Owner Sentenced to 50 Years

All across Skyrim, horses have a tendency to be extremely talented at this one activity: scaling a mountain as if it weren’t even there. Players have noticed this and taken advantage of it since 11/11/11.

How did these horses get so good at climbing? Well, it all started with one stable owner outside of Whiterun. He began hunting down mountain goats, harvesting them for their hormones and injecting them into his horses.

His sales went through the roof once word got out that his horses were the best in all of Tamriel. The Jarl of Whiterun, Balgruuf the Greater, was upset that there were any horses that were better than his. He sent a great warrior, the Dragonborn, over to investigate all nearby stables for any suspicious activity.

The Dragonborn approached the stable outside of Whiterun just as the owner was injecting another horse with the mountain goat hormones. The owner begged and pleaded to be left alone, but the Dragonborn was on a quest that he was determined to fulfill.

The owner was brought before the Jarl, and the Jarl showed no mercy as he was sentenced to 50 years in Dragonsreach Dungeon.

Report: Daedric Prince Claims Credit For Possible Shutdown

Solitude, (BFN) It was reported here last week that Tamriel was on the brink of a Government shutdown. The situation nearly came to a boiling point when noble leader Ulfric Stormcloak made bombastic but accurate statements regarding the possible shutdown. It appeared that Tamriel was heading that way but at the 11th hour The Greybeards intervened and helped to end the potential crisis.

The major question everyone has now is: what or whom was the cause of this shutdown?

Now it seems an entity has step forward to take responsibility for the potential shutdown of Tamriel. The Daedric Prince, Sanguine released a statememt through courier delivery about his intentions

It was I, Sanguine, Daedric Prince of debauchery that was the cause of this mass panic. I thought it would be funny to play a game with you mere mortals and have a little fun. And no don’t worry I had no intentions of letting your funny little government descend into chaos. It was quite fun might I add, it killed some time for me and kept me ever so entertained. Ta ta for now!

No word or confirmation from Tamriel higher ups if this claim has an validity.

As always stay with us for up to date news around the world of gaming.

Ulfric Stormcloak Issues Statement on Potential Tamriel Shutdown

Whiterun (BFN) As reported here yesterday, it seems as though Tamriel is on the verge of a potential crisis. If there is no resolution by Friday, there will be a complete Government shutdown in all of Tamriel. Citizens of the land are still unaware as to the ramifications of this shutdown.

That did not stop the leader of the Stormcloaks and true High King of Skrim, Ulfric Stormcloak from weighing in on the situation.

Set upon his keep in Windhelm, he issued the following statement to all the imhabitants of Skyrim:

It seems once again that the Imperials that claim to look out for you have failed you. They are to worried about lining their own pockets with your Septims that they are willing to let you all suffer because of it. They do not care for your well being, they are all just puppets dancing for the Aldmeri Dominion. This Macabre will be the end of us all! They will take our land, our food and our lives in order to remain high in their castles! They will sell our very souls to those Elves for a pretty Septim! I say no more to this shutdown! I say no more to petty theivery by our own Government! And no more opressing the strong citizens of SKYRIM!

Reports from the scene seem to indicate there was an overwhelming cheer and support the powerful words of Ulfric and there are rumblings of protests that may appear across Skyrim in response to the potential shutdown.

Breaking: Tamriel Facing Government Shutdown

Tamriel (BFN) – With only a few days left on the current funding bill and disputes over immigration heating up, Tamriel is facing a government shutdown.

There is currently a bill headed towards Congress that would allow the government of Tamriel to remain operational for the next few months, however tensions over the current immigration laws, or rather the lack thereof, have led to a standstill between the two houses in Congress.

If a new law to fund the government is not passed by this Friday, the expiration date of the current bill, then the government would remain shutdown going into the following week.

Monday Mount Rushmore: Tamriel Races

The powers that be decided that the Mount Rushmore segment should be a weekly affair, so here we are with the new and improved Monday Mount Rushmore (patent pending). It will be the same format where this site will objectively rank the four best of a particular topic.

This week will be the Mount Rushmore of Tamriel races. This comes on the eve of a spectacular Nintendo direct in which it was announced Elders Scroll V: Skyrim will he shouting its way to the Nintendo Switch. Without further ado, here are the four best races in Skyrim.*

NORDS: Ah yes, the true sons and daughters of Skyrim. They are strong, fair skinned humans that call Skyrim their home. They are led by the true High King to Skyrim, Ulfric Stormcloak. They are the most gifted and intelligent race as well as fair and caring. They fight for their homeland while the evil Aldmeri Dominion seek to destroy their land.

REDGUARD: Up next are the proud warriors of Hammerfell. They are strong, less fair skinned humans that are born to fight and do not back down. With their skill set they will often hire themselves as mercenaries to make a septim or two.

BRETONS: The next race on this list are the Bretons of High Rock. They are believed to be the half breed of mighty Nords and questionable High Elves. They are a race of magic users and their ability to do cheap parlor tricks are known all throughout Tamriel.

EVERY OTHER RACE* (EXCEPT HIGH ELVES): Honestly the rest of the races are tied for last so they can all make this list. You have backstabbing Imperials, a slew of lowlife Elf races, as well as shifty, no good furry Khajiits and some scaly Argonian lizard people (if you can call them that).
*ASIDE: The High Elves are the only race to not make it on this list. They are the scourge of Tamriel. They are cunning and are looking to destroy all that is sacred in the name of Aldmeri Dominion. They are a curse on Tamriel and would be better served if they were to leave and never come back.

Skyrim Star Wars and Predator Edition Confirmed

A leaked image of what appears to be an upcoming special edition of the beloved Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim has just been posted by Reddit user, AquaBlader.

The image, seen below, sports Darth Maul (Star Wars) and Predator (Predator) on the cover of what is clearly an upcoming version of Skyrim.

Evidently the game will only be available on Windows.

Tag: Elder Scrolls Skyrim