After being released by the Oakland Raiders it didn’t take long for Antonio Brown to land back on his feet. PlayStation just announced, that Mr. Brown will be the new mascot of their beloved Twisted Metal franchise.
Many see this as a good fit as Twisted Metal was formerly represented by Sweet Tooth, another clown.
Rumor suggests Antonio Brown as already received a mysterious letter from an identity simply known as, Calypso.
In breaking news, every single Madden player has reported concussions. From every team, and every custom character.
How did this happen? This remains a mystery. Reporters from BFN have no clue, and no one has disclosed anything.
What does this mean for the game now? This means that, until everybody heals, no one can play Madden 18. Nobody. It’s just not possible.
We wish all the athletes a speedy recovery so we can get back to knocking everybody over.
Here are a few highlights from last week!
Sombra To Retire From Overwatch
PETA Takes Issue With Monster Hunter World
Overwatch Heroes Entering NFL Draft
Gamer Regrets Buying DragonBallFighterZ
After watching many seasons of football, the heroes of Overwatch have decided to take their talents to the football field rather than the battlefield. We’ve broken down a few characters and the position that they will be playing.
Tracer: Her unmatched speed combined with jukes that could break the ankles off of the best of defenders makes her an easy candidate for a slot receiver. Move over Cole Beasley and Jarvis Landry, the cavalries here.
Winston: Mario Williams? Ndamukong Suh? No, the next best defensive lineman of all time will easily be Winston. He has the ability to knock back lineman so hard that they might end up sacking their own quarterback.
Pharah: Have you ever seen a Hail Mary get caught halfway before it is supposed to come down to Earth? Well, neither have we, but we are excited to see it happen. Hey Drew Brees, I think we found your new favorite wide receiver.
Reaper: If you had a childhood, you remember the Hocus Pocus from Backyard Football. Where out of nowhere your receiver will go from the line of scrimmage to about 40 yards down field. Get ready for this trick to be used in the NFL with Reaper.
Bastion: “He’s got a cannon!” Yeah, literally. We might just see a 99 yard touchdown pass… in the air.
Zarya: What better way to defend your precious quarterback than throwing a big shield around him so he can throw in peace?
Lúcio: Although he may not be strong, his ability to bounce off walls, or linemen, in his pursuit for the end zone may make him one of the best running backs of all time. Good luck catching him on the outside when he amps up his speed boost.
Patches O’Houlihan’s body has reportedly rolled over due to the dodgeball league, Robot Roller Derby Disco Dodgeball. AI and other technology in sports has been an extremely controversial topic for quite some time. Major League Baseball introducing replays gave the umpires a better look on close calls. Instant replay and advanced cameras in the National Football League gave referees the option to look over a play to determine the correct call on a play.
Not yet has a sport been played entirely by robots until RRDDD, and dodgeball professionals are furious.
“How are we supposed to compete with robots on roller skates launching dodgeballs at terminal velocity while listening to extremely groovy music? We can’t. Our salaries have been cut in half and I can’t even afford a Big Mac after the game anymore. This is complete garbage and extremely disrespectful to the dozens of professionals who have dedicated their lives to playing the complex sport of dodgeball” one anonymous professional states.
Athletes may be upset at this as it is taking the athleticism out of athletics. They think that this may be why Patches O’Houlihan has turned over in his grave. However, at Bottom Feeder News, we know the truth. Patches cared about one thing, and one thing only: The Five D’s of Dodgeball. Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge. While these robots are capable of doing most of the D’s, they lack the ability to Dive. Since these so called professional dodgeball players are unable to perform one of the 5 D’s, Patches got quite upset and not only rolled over, but turned the other way in his casket as well.
There may be some controversial things about Robot Roller Derby Disco Dodgeball, but it’s still pretty cool.
In/on line at Space Mountain (BFN) In news that should surprise no fan of this series, it appears that the third installment of the sucessful Disney and SquareEnix gaming franchise has once again been delayed. This time however, it seems to be due to Disneys most recent purchase of 21st Century Fox. The deal was struck between the two in December for a lot of gold rupees.
This deal not only had an effect on their movies but also in gaming as evident by another delay. When asked for comment on the delay, lead developer for the game Peter “Peg Leg” Stillmen released this statement to his team:
We are all excited for the recent acquistion of 21st Century Fox and all of their content. This however, can cause issues because we must go through all the content to figure out exactly what was bought and who will be in the game. Do we get Homer Simpson? The Xmen? The X-files? Or even NFL Sunday Football? This is an exciting time and I am so happy to have all this new content from Fox’s 21st Century to use for this wonderful third game in the very fun and famous Kingdom Hearts franchise!
For now it seems the game is once again on the shelf and looks to be that way for the forseeable future.
More updates when they become available.
BFN 
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