Your Facebook Feed (BFN) – Today, Facebook released a statement offering their thoughts and prayers for the actions they have taken to undermine society and the democratic process.
“Our thoughts and prayers are with society, their families, and everyone effected by our intentional actions.”
We reached out to Facebook inquiring about what actions they plan to take moving forward, but they failed to respond.
Check out the top stories from this past week!
Saffron City (BFN) Data breaches seem to be all the rage in the news these days as it seems now even the world of Kanto is embroiled in such controversy. Much like with Facebook owner, Mark Zuckerberg having to testify before Congress about the information of Facebook users being used. It seems now that Professor Oak is being asked to testify before the Elite 4 with regards to Pokedex privacy.
In a report published by the Kanto Times earlier this week, it cites an unnamed source with close ties to the professor stating that the information in the Pokedex was being sold off and given to outside parties. The source stated that “it was sickening to see how much information these Pokemon gave to the professor and how little their personal data was secured.”
The source went on to accuse others of trying to profit and benefit from this data “…it seems this data was sold to other trainers to help complete their own Pokedex and move up in the world and into positions of power.” when asked by the reporter if anyone of notoriety was seen obtaining this data, the source indicated that this is to be true: “let’s just say that a few well placed trainers in positions of power have had access to this personal information.” For now there have yet to be any specific trainers or leaders named.
Professor Oak and his camp have denied these claims and ensured the public that the information of Pokemon and trainers alike are safe and secured. in a brief statement through his lawyer, Professor Oak commented that “I will testify before the Elite 4 because I have nothing to hide. I will show that this Pokedex system is safe and secure and allows for all trainers to go out there and catch all 151 Pokemon and connect with others by sharing their progress.” He went on to debunk the report, “these claims have no basis in reality and this ‘source’ is nothing more than a ghost type Pokemon or disgruntled former employee.”
It remains to be seen if there is credence to the initial report and more will be revealed in the coming days when Professor Oak meets with Elite 4 champ and former protege, Red and the rest of the Trainers.
We have been able to uncover the true identity of longtime Metal Gear Solid villain, Psycho Mantis and it is none other than the founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg.
Former FOXHOUND member, Psycho Mantis made his first appearance in Metal Gear Solid, back in 1998. At the time Zuckerberg would have been fourteen years old, making him the perfect age for starting an insurrection.
We got our first breakthrough when we discovered that Mantis, who had long claimed he was a psychic, was not telepathic at all. Instead, Mantis was using a highly evolved program in conjunction with machine learning in order to invade your privacy and read your memory card. After cross-referencing that program with some of the popular programs of today, we came upon one match, Facebook.
This revelation could be the final blow for the billionaire who is already under duress after his testimony regarding Facebook’s privacy concerns. Facebook has declined to comment on this issue.
Rennes, France – (BFN) Ubisoft just announced that Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, has been selected as the protagonist for Watch Dogs 3.
This decision comes as no surprise as Zuckerberg is more than qualified for the role.
Oh, also, Watch Dogs 3! For more updates on Watch Dogs 3 and all the other news you need to know, check back often to BFN.
The Deep Web (BFN) – In a shocking turn of events, Zynga in conjunction with Facebook have announced that a new FarmVille game will be hitting Facebook later this year.
Initially released back in 2009, Farmville was at one point, the most popular game on Facebook. Following its success, a sequel, FarmVille 2 was released in 2012.
The announcement is likely an attempt to retain Facebooks users, many of whom have been fleeing the social media site left and right after finding out about Facebook’s blatant violation of privacy.
No word yet on what we can expect from the upcoming FarmVille, other than the fact that in order to play the game one must divulge the personal secrets of a close friend.
Washington D.C. (BFN) – It has been confirmed that former Umbrella Corporation researcher, Albert Wesker will testify in front of Congress next week.
Wesker will testify on the behalf of Umbrella Corporation and is expected to delve into their roll in the Raccoon City Incident.
The testimony will begin next Monday and you will be able to watch via Facebook once you submit you height, weight, social security number, likes, dislikes, which side of the bed you sleep on, your favorite type of coffee, and what your favorite sexual position is.
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